we must move on
yes it can be done
It was February 23rd 1995 on a Thursday cool mild winter, but rainy evening in Decatur, Georgia where I was getting my roll on at my regular roller rink hangout. Yes skating was and still is my favorite hobby. Rolling around a building 100 plus times with wheels attached to the foot gear seems strange to those that dare not to give it a spin, but to me and hundreds of others that attended these sessions it was — and still is — a stress relief.
I left the hangout about 11:30 which is 30 minutes before the spot closes for the night. I didn’t have a car and my usual Buddies who has their own vehicle couldn’t make it this particular evening, the rain slowed down, so I hopped on the last bus route which stopped a few minutes away from the complex I was living in with my mother and sister. When I walked in the apartment — which was about 12 midnight — I didn’t see my mother nor 14 year old sibling anywhere in the place. I knocked on the bedroom door and didn’t hear nothing so I opened the doors and didn’t see neither of my loved ones in there. Maybe, just maybe, my mother had to work late and sister was sent to the babysitter. Then the phone rang. When I picked up the phone, I heard the voice on the other end sound very low spirited. After hearing a few more words from the voice, it hit me that it was my sister. She was kind of stuttering in a mourning style. Just couldn’t put two and two together then she said “Don’t worry mommy is in a good place tonight she’s all in gods hands”. Honestly I didn’t want to hear anything more she had to explain cause I was certain it would be what any loved one would never wanted to hear. So I said please stop it then she said some other things I couldn’t remember, then said our uncle will call you. I just hung up the phone after.
A minute later my uncle called and said “oh you home now stay put I’m coming to get you”. The way he said that was in a low tone which is not of my uncle who is a soul with much enthusiasm. Sho nuff when I heard footsteps walking up the stairs in the apartment building me, my sister, and mother lived in, about 10 minutes later, then a knock on the door, I said to myself okay maybe I will be told — your mother is gonna be alright. That wasn’t the case.
“Your mother Rosa died about 3 — yes 3 — hours ago.” was the words I just wished not to hear.
Know what, I didn’t automatically break out and cried my heart out cause I just refused to believe that the woman that birthed me who still had a whole lot of living to do, A woman that needs to be a grandparent first, A woman that still was working on her careers, A woman that is still looking for the man of her dreams just stepped in the car, — mind you the weather was very rainy throughout the night — lost control of the vehicle, and without further detail she is gone. NO WAY. Shonuff I spent the night at my uncles house about ten minutes away and when I woke up the next morning in a whole different place( though we lived with my uncle when we relocated to Metro Atlanta from New York for a few months), That’s when it hit me and my mourning and sobbing processed big time.
I mourned and mourned but had to move on
and you can as well
It’s been 26 plus years since getting that devastating messages and I will never get over it, but I had — and still have to — move on. 2020 has been challenging to say the least with a deadly epidemic that bombarded our society. death tolls is in an enormous high rate.
At the time of this blogging, 11,000 COVID — 19 deaths has been reported in my adopted state of California. Friends and families of so many including mine, has been victim to this unfortunate epidemic. I got many many posts, texts, and calls from folks who lost someone they love to this. Amongst all this I try my best to find some kind of inspiration, encouragement, or just simple prayer to those that’s personally fighting the virus or someone who has a loved one fighting it.
noticed I didn’t bring the whole political madness to this article and I won’t cause it’s not relevant to the sensitivity and emotions this blog is more than likely having.
I recently read an article on this blogging platform by Ayodeji Awosika that is pretty much saying, stop being guilty moving on and continue to enjoy this thing called life. In other words, death is part of life. At first I couldn’t understand that, society is losing it with other issues like police brutality, looting, black on black crime that’s still in the high rates. Unemployment is at the highest it’s been since the Great Depression, so how in the hell are we suppose to move on and enjoy life with all this madness resulting in innumerable issues that is taking toll in not only the physical — but mental — health as well. Well, look at some great histories like certain grassroots movements, civil rights movements, musical genres like jazz, soul, hip hop. Spiritual movements like nation of islam, five percent nation, and some christian based beliefs. These came about during very challenging times. From wealth to economics to health and other things that would bring fruitful growth to the community, it took these kinds of movements to give the neglected, depressed and hurt a little shine and help give some kind of esteem that can build character. So that advice was and still is satisfying.
It’s been 6 months since I got my business LLC paperwork to make me an official business owner of a small press (yes I’m an author). As Soon as I got the license, happy and excited — and yes nervous — I was. I was gonna open my business account, rent my office, network and start writing best selling material — which I’m still doing — and be on the amazon best selling list by the end of the year. My higher power said “hold up wait a minute”. Well we know what happened next. Guess what though, this epidemic and closing of everything in sight got me more on YouTube, and google, and I happen to find a very successful blogger, the name I just mentioned above Ayodeji Awosika talk about his success with this blogging and how we can make, not only a difference but maybe a healthy living with this popular platform. Not getting into too much detail about this journey so far(that’ll be another future blog), But who would think that during this madness that’s taking place that interrupted my original 2020 dreams had me find another, slowly but surely passion, that’s having me pour out some experience that would hopefully give hope. Whoever feels that waking up every morning now is a hassle and not looking forward to the next 16 to 18 hours of existence, please try your best to look for something that will bring some kind of joy to the you that YOU have to live with 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Like me, and countless others, just maybe you will find another purpose and/or passion that can fulfill your life and be some type of medicine to the not only physically but emotionally unhealthy. I started this post off with one of my favorite hobbies and I’m ending it with my new found vision that be about inspiring. In other words tragedy — which a good portion of this post was focused on — don’t have to be our majesty.
It’s been 25 plus years since getting that devastating message. No I totally haven’t gotten over it, but I know what she wanted me to be doing right now and that’s continue to enjoy life, and if it don’t pop up as quick as I wanna, then dammit create it. As long as I CAN (STILL) BREATHE, it’s a must I make the best of an outcome even amongst the madness. Hopefully you can to.
RIP ROSA JAMES
